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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26078092">so be it, i’m your crowbar (if that’s what i am so far)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kt_vundr/pseuds/kt_vundr'>kt_vundr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy VIII</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Dates, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, POV Alternating, Pre-Relationship Squall &amp; Rinoa, Squall’s Bisexual Awakening, The Successor Challenge 2020, Theme: Distance, if you aren’t catching accidental feelings after teaching your bro to kiss are you even really bros</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:40:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,527</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26078092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kt_vundr/pseuds/kt_vundr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On the long trip from the wreckage of Trabia Garden to Edea’s Orphanage, Squall has too much downtime and more attention from Rinoa than he knows what to do with. Luckily, Zell is a very good friend with some ideas for improving Squall’s game.</p><p>Written for The Successor Challenge 2020. Theme: Distance.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zell Dincht/Squall Leonhart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irredivivous/gifts">SapientesGladio (Irredivivous)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy (slightly late) Squall’s birthday! This was written for The Successor Challenge with the theme of Distance. The next two chapters will be posted over the next week.</p><p>Dedicated to @SapientesGladio for always hitting me with that good inspiration.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Writing Playlist: I Know - Fiona Apple</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Travel by flying school was very cool in theory. </p><p>In reality? It was super boring. Definitely their fastest option as far as global travel went, but the long stretches of downtime had Zell feeling all kinds of restless, especially after what they’d seen in the wreckage of Trabia Garden. Death and destruction and life-changing revelations and then a whole lot of nothing to take his mind off of any of it. He felt like he should be <i>doing</i>something. </p><p>Their journey from T-Garden to Edea’s orphanage was a long one. To avoid fighting the rough terrain of the mountains and the icy seas of the north, Nida had routed them south instead, which added a few days into the trip but was a lot easier on the hull of the newly-repaired mobile Garden. Their flight plan would take them down past Balamb and west through Galbadia until they hooked around toward the southwestern edge of Centra, where Edea’s house by the sea waited with answers about their shared past. When asked their ETA, Nida had given them an extremely tentative “<i>uhhhhh....like, four or five days I guess?</i>”</p><p>So, that was cool.</p><p>On day two, Zell was practically vibrating out of his skin. He woke up needlessly early to go for a jog and eat a giant breakfast, and by lunch he was bunkered down in his dorm to work on some sketches for a tattoo that Irvine wanted. Zell doubted he’d actually go through with it (honestly, he was pretty sure Irvine’s sudden interest was only because he’d overheard Selphie compliment Zell’s tattoo last week) but he’d humor him all the same. If nothing else, it gave him an excuse to keep his hands busy.</p><p>He was almost done when the sudden banging on his door took him so off guard he snapped his pencil completely in half. Annoyed, he dropped the splintered remains and hauled himself to his feet. And when he pressed the keypad and opened the door, he found Squall.</p><p>“Dude, it wasn’t even locked.”</p><p>“Can you lock it now?” Squall breezed inside and started to pace at an anxious rhythm that was way too much to deal with for this time of day. And like, it wasn’t a big room by any means so it was a little pathetic to look at. Four short steps from the door to the window, pivot, then four steps back to start the whole loop over again. </p><p>Zell sighed and set the lock as the door slid closed again. He was hoping that the nervous energy shooting off of Squall like the sparks of a overloaded firework would simmer down a little now that he had completed the daunting and overthought task of actually coming to someone for something. As they got to understand each other more, Zell had learned that half of the battle with Squall was the build up to a task. Once he got going on whatever it was he needed to do, he was usually fine. </p><p>Of course, Zell had once seen Squall pace for a full thirty minutes on a rickety train, so direct action might be the better bet in this situation. </p><p>When Squall came by on the next pass of his anxiety loop, Zell stepped in the way and he was forced to stop short to avoid collision. </p><p>“You’re lucky I wasn’t naked.”</p><p>Squall scowled. “Why would you answer the door if you were naked?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Zell said with an eyebrow waggle. </p><p>The joke fell flat and Squall huffed out frustrated sound, turning like he was going to start pacing again before Zell grabbed him by the arm. </p><p>“Okay, I’m sorry, <i>I’m kidding!</i>” Gently, he hauled his squad leader over to the desk chair and made him sit down. “Tell me what’s going on.”</p><p>“You can’t tell anyone that I’m here.”</p><p>Zell crossed his arms. “Okay. Who are you hiding from?”</p><p>Squall went pale. Which was kind of miraculous considering he was practically reflective on a normal day. He eyed the door. “I’m not hiding.”</p><p>This was going to be a long afternoon.</p><p>“So you just wanted to hang with your best friend in the whole wide world?” Zell accused, clapping his hands together in faux delight. “That’s so sweet.”</p><p>Squall made a face. “You’re not my - “</p><p>“<i>Squall</i>”</p><p>“<i>Fine</i>. I just...” Squall sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I needed to get away.”</p><p>Zell plopped down on his bed and scratched his chin. Because that made him wonder. Squall was prone to disappearing, usually retreating to his dorm between missions to spend some quality quiet brooding time alone, but obviously this was not Squall’s dorm and if he wanted some quiet time Zell was absolutely the last person he should have sought out.</p><p>So what was different now?</p><p>“Ohhhhhhhh.” Of course. Zell had passed them this morning on his run. Rinoa had been stuck to Squall like a shadow. “Oh oh oh! You’ve got girl trouble!”</p><p>“She’s been following me around <i>all morning</i>.” Squall’s face fell into his hands. “Nevermind, I don’t want to talk about it.”</p><p>“Dude, come on,” Zell leaned forward, knocking Squall’s knee with a fist. “You don’t have to be shy about it, we all know what’s up.”</p><p>Squall’s head snapped up and Zell wasn’t expecting the look of sheer exasperation coloring his face. “You mean you all know what you’ve been <i>pushing on me.</i>”</p><p>Zell blinked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>It was Squall’s turn to lean forward. He fixed Zell with a sharp glare. “Don’t play dumb. You’re all trying to get us together. It’s so obvious even I can see it. But you know what’s making me insane? Not one of you asked me what I want. Everyone is just deciding they know what’s best for me and <i>I don’t like it</i>.”</p><p>Well. That... wasn’t at all the outburst Zell was expecting? </p><p>He took a moment to really think about it. Because Squall had a point. They’d all been a little caught up in playing matchmaker. But hell if Squall would ever make a move on his own, and he wasn’t the best at first (or second or third) impressions. </p><p>It wasn’t that Squall was unlikable, not at all. On the contrary, Zell had grown to love spending time with Squall. He was unexpectedly funny in a dry kind of way, and he was always good to talk weapons or strategy or history. And he really did care a lot, he just hated when people made a big deal out of it. </p><p>Ultimately he just wasn’t a people person, and it was understandable why his friends wanted to try to show off the parts of him that weren’t so prickly.</p><p>But that wasn’t the point, was it? </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Zell said, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt like a jerk. “I didn’t realize it was bugging you so much.”</p><p>That didn’t seem to be what Squall was expecting, either. The tension in his shoulders relaxed a bit. </p><p>“...Thanks.”</p><p>“You do like her though, don’t you?”</p><p>“Hell, I don’t know.” Squall shooed Zell to the bottom of the bed so he could lay down. “Maybe? She’s nice, but she’s....a little intense?”</p><p>Zell fussed over yanking Squall’s boots off before they could get dirt on his sheets. “Pretty sure we would all say the same about you, dude.”</p><p>“Probably.” Squall rolled his eyes. Then, he threw an arm over his face and sighed. “I’m not used to someone being so <i>focused</i> on me. It’s stressful. And even if I wanted to go for it, it’s not like I have any idea what I’m doing. I feel like I’m faking everything right now.”</p><p>This was maybe the most personal one-on-one conversation they’d ever had and Zell wasn’t sure what to do with it. He knew Squall was a lot more freaked out about the promotion than he was letting on, and he’d been just as shaken up about the orphanage stuff as the rest of them. And clearly the whole Rinoa situation had to be causing him some next level distress if he was opening up to someone about it so easily.</p><p>“I mean, it’s not like there’s a perfect playbook for making a move.” He shrugged. “You kind of have to go with the flow.”</p><p>“Any playbook at all would be fantastic.”</p><p>Zell eyed the brooding form in his bed curiously. “What, you’ve never kissed anyone before?”</p><p>Squall shot him a look. “Do I look like the kind of person people want to kiss?”</p><p>Dark hair fell across his forehead, barely covering the reddish scar between his brows that served as the only blemish on Squall’s smooth and perfect skin. A muscle in his carved jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth, and his pale blue eyes were nearly glowing in the light coming in from the window. Without his jacket on, Zell could appreciate the way his t-shirt clung to his toned arms, broad chest, and narrow waist. And this man walked around in leather pants, for Hyne’s sake. </p><p>Zell wasn’t blind. Everyone knew Squall was stunning. Still, he stopped himself from saying something like “<i>yeah actually, look in a mirror, you dumbass</i>” and tried to take a more understanding approach instead.</p><p>“Look,” Zell said, swatting at Squall’s leg, “this is a totally normal thing to be freaked out about. No one is expecting you to be perfect right off the bat.”</p><p>“It kind of feels like she is.” Squall rubbed his temples. “She’s got this big idea of who I am in her head and I feel like I’m going to disappoint her.”</p><p>“So you just need some practice first! Find a teacher!”</p><p>Squall sat up. “That is the worst idea I’ve ever heard. I don’t want anyone knowing about this. It’s embarrassing.”</p><p>“You told me,” Zell pointed out. </p><p>“That’s different.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“I trust you.”</p><p>That hit him in the chest. Zell had become a pretty permanent first choice for Squall’s team, and they always had each other’s back in a fight. But knowing Squall trusted him this much as a friend made him unexpectedly emotional. </p><p>So maybe that was why had made the decision he did. Because there was no way he could let his friend make an idiot of himself with a bad first kiss. </p><p>“Okay. Then I’ll teach you.”</p><p>Squall was quiet for a long moment. He stared him down with a hint of suspicion, like he was trying to figure out if Zell was making fun of him or not. </p><p>“No, that’s....you don’t have to, I’m not - I -....” He stopped himself and frowned. </p><p>This was a classic example of what Zell liked to call Squall Overload. Where he didn’t want to ask for help but someone offered it anyway, and he was relieved but also his pride kept him from outright accepting. So he didn’t really know how to process it.</p><p>Sometimes Zell wondered what it was like to live in the complicated trenches of Squall’s mind. </p><p>He didn’t give Squall time to start stressing himself in circles again, though. Zell turned so they were facing each other. </p><p>“You said you trust me, right?”</p><p>Squall blinked. “Yes.”</p><p>“Then it’s not a big deal. Just think of it like a training exercise.” </p><p>“But - “</p><p>“Step one! Don’t overthink it!” Zell said pointedly. “Do you want me to help you or not?”</p><p>He gave Squall some time to decide. If he really didn’t want the help, Zell wasn’t going to force it on him. But if he <i>did</i> want some guidance and didn’t want to mess up his chances with Rinoa, Zell wasn’t going to be the bad friend that turned him away. If anyone deserved a solid relationship to keep him from losing his mind, it was Squall. </p><p>After a few moments of thought, Squall nodded. “Alright.”</p><p>“Already off to a great start!” Zell encouraged. Then, he leaned forward a little. “Now, a first kiss is all about the romance. You gotta pick your moment and location wisely. Shoot for somewhere nice where you guys can be alone. As for the timing? You’ll feel the moment when it comes.” </p><p>As he spoke, Zell internally wrestled with the fact that this was an objectively bizarre situation that he maybe hadn’t thought completely through before jumping right in. Of course, he didn’t usually look before he leaped, so why start now?</p><p>“I assume you at least kind of know what you’re supposed to do?”</p><p>“Yes, I’m aware of the general concept,” Squall said drily.</p><p>“Cool. Now kiss me.”</p><p>Zell watched as Squall turned an interesting shade of pink.</p><p>“Just...? Like, go for it?”</p><p>”Yeah. She probably won’t make the first move so you need to practice taking initiative. It’s easy. Just lean in and go for it.”</p><p>The shade of pink went dark and turned to a richer red.</p><p>“.........”</p><p>Something about the panic on Squall‘s face was terribly endearing. Zell smiled. </p><p>“Right, okay. Let’s take it step by step, huh? First, lean forward.”</p><p>Squall obeyed. He watched Zell like he was trying not to scare off a wild animal. </p><p>“There we go. Next, I want you to - “</p><p>“I don’t know what to do with my hands,” Squall interrupted. He flexed his fingers like he did before a fight, always stretching them against the hilt of his gunblade in anticipation. It made sense he needed something to hold on to. Zell nodded. </p><p>“Here. Like this.” Gently, he guided Squall’s hands to rest on the sides of his neck. The fidgeting stopped immediately. The position brought them closer than they had been before, and Zell could practically feel the change in Squall’s breath. “Just do what’s comfortable.”</p><p>“Are <i>you</i> comfortable?” Squall asked. Experimentally, he moved a hand to cup Zell’s jaw.</p><p>Warmth spread across Zell’s skin in a pleasant ripple. </p><p><i>Oh no</i>, he thought, swallowing hard.</p><p>“Very.”</p><p>“Alright. Good.” There were nerves somewhere in the huskiness of his voice that Zell could barely hear over his own heartbeat. Squall’s gaze dropped to Zell’s lips for a curious moment. His eyes were unexpectedly soft. “And now I just...?”</p><p>“Trust your instincts,” Zell assured, skin buzzing. “When in doubt, take it slow.”</p><p>Squall leaned in until their noses brushed. Dark eyelashes fanned out across his cheeks as he looked down at Zell’s mouth again. Calculating the best angle of approach. The gears turning in his head were almost audible. Tilting his head a little to the left, Squall took a fortifying breath. Then, he pressed their lips together. </p><p>It was quick and a bit too hard, somehow eager and timid all at once, and Squall pulled away abruptly like he sensed he’d done something wrong. A deep flush rose from his neck to color his face. Brows furrowed, he looked at Zell with a question in his eyes.</p><p>“Don’t worry. It’s cool.” Smiling, Zell brushed a thumb against the fullness of Squall’s bottom lip. “Just a little softer.”</p><p>Nodding, Squall took the note in stride and eased their mouths together again slowly, soft and sensual, and Zell found himself gripping Squall’s shirt to brace himself against the sudden dizziness that filled his head like a drunken bliss. Like everything Squall put his mind to, he learned quickly and moved with an intense focus that Zell got so wrapped up in he forgot he was supposed to be teaching. Every place they touched felt fevered in the best way. Like something was coming alive inside him. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s better,” he murmured between kisses. As Squall got more comfortable, their tempo changed to something a little less careful and a little more charged. Like a slow boiling heat bubbling in his stomach. “That’s <i>really</i> good, Squall.”</p><p>Squall exhaled shakily. The praise did something to him that had him surging forward to deepen their kiss and that was a <i>very</i>interesting development. Zell looped his arms around Squall’s neck and decided to push further, teasing at the opening of Squall’s mouth with his tongue. They hadn’t really talked about boundaries with any of this and that had maybe been a mistake. But Squall parted his lips without hesitation, so clearly he wasn’t against the idea of exploring. Zell licked further in until the slick glide of their tongues moving together pulled a soft groan from Squall’s chest and his hands fell to grip hard at Zell’s hips. </p><p>A moment later, Zell was being hauled into Squall’s lap. Lifted like he weighed nothing. It made him light-headed.</p><p>“Feeling confident?” Zell teased, laughter tumbling from his throat.</p><p>“You’re short. I’m tired of leaning down,” Squall countered drily. </p><p>In this position, Zell had all the leverage. He let his hands card through Squall’s silky hair before tugging just a little. “Another important tip is that you <i>don’t make fun of the person you’re making out with</i>.”</p><p>Squall at least had the decency to look <i>almost</i> apologetic through his grin, and Zell moved to settle against him more comfortably. And with knees braced on either side of Squall’s strong thighs, Zell completely forgot why they were actually doing this and that he wasn’t supposed to enjoy it so much. But he <i>did.</i>. It felt tender and natural and he <i>liked</i>it. </p><p>With pleasant horror, he realized he was very into the idea of trapping Squall in his arms and absolutely wrecking him, taking him apart piece by piece and seeing what other sounds he could get Squall to make. </p><p>And chances were he would be completely mortified about all of this later when he wasn’t thinking with a touch-starved lizard brain, but right now in the wonderful heat of this moment Squall wasn’t pumping the brakes and Zell would run with that as long as he was allowed to. If Squall wanted practice, Zell would give him <i>practice</i>. </p><p>He threw caution to the wind and bit down on Squall’s bottom lip, pulling at it just enough to make a point. The gasp he was rewarded with made him shiver. Strong hands squeezed his ass in retaliation before calloused fingers slipped beneath the hem of his shirt and dragged a path up his back. Pulling their bodies together like he couldn’t get close enough. Squall broke their kiss to blaze a path across Zell’s jaw and hovered pensively at the curve of his neck. </p><p>“Can I try - ?”</p><p>“<i>Yes please, absolutely do that</i>,” Zell babbled. The part of him that wasn’t at the wheel right now might have been embarrassed about the way his voice cracked like a horny teenager knocking the worst parts of a puberty speed run out of the park with a baseball bat, but Zell had accepted a long time ago that he was just an embarrassing person and these things happened to him a lot. It was better to accept it and move on.</p><p>He let his head fall to the side as Squall worked out the mechanics of a neck kiss like a student of science testing theories and getting high on his discoveries. A scrape of teeth followed by a lap of his tongue like an apology, hot breath and wet cooling skin, and Zell curled his toes against the feeling. It was almost annoying that Squall was such a natural. But of course he was. Squall was good at everything that didn’t involve talking to people, and this didn’t require talking of any kind.</p><p>It didn’t take long for him to find the spot behind Zell’s ear that made him squirm, and Squall zeroed in on it immediately, lavishing it with adoring attention. A high-pitched whine left Zell’s mouth and he shifted in Squall’s lap, hips making a tiny circle that sent sparks shooting up his spine.</p><p>And here was another interesting development in the situation that was adding to his emotional whiplash: Squall was hard beneath him. The movement coaxed out a surprised moan and he sucked against Zell’s neck too hard. </p><p>Which meant Zell would probably have a mark there tomorrow. He tried not to feel as excited about that as he was. </p><p>“Do that again,” Squall said, voice low and tight. He was panting in Zell’s ear.</p><p>“Ask nicely,” Zell instructed. </p><p>“<i>Please</i>.”</p><p>With a grin, Zell ground himself down more purposefully, chasing the friction he wanted. Squall’s fingernails scraped lightly down Zell’s back before he captured Zell’s mouth again. The kiss was messy and hot and edged with a newfound need that Zell could think of no room for improvement on. Except maybe less clothing, but if Squall took his shirt off right now and Zell got to touch his bare skin, Zell was sure his nose would start bleeding and he’d need to lie down. </p><p>He didn’t have time to think about that on a more in-depth level though, because someone was knocking on his door again.</p><p>“Hey Zell?” Rinoa’s voice called from the other side. Squall tensed immediately. “Can I talk to you about something?”</p><p>“<i>I’m not here</i>,” Squall whispered urgently. </p><p>“<i>Shut up, I didn’t forget</i>.” He sealed a hand over Squall’s mouth to keep him quiet. Then, he called, “I’m, ahhh. A little busy right now actually!”</p><p>“Oh! I’m sorry.” She sounded dejected. “Have you seen Squall?”</p><p>Zell looked at the man beneath him. Squall glared and covered Zell’s eyes with his hands. </p><p>“Nope, haven’t seen him,” Zell called again, trying to keep the deadpan sarcasm out of his voice. </p><p>“Well if you do, can you tell him I’m looking for him?” </p><p>“Will do!”</p><p>He waited a few moments to be sure that she was gone before uncovering Squall’s mouth. The hands over his eyes dropped to his cheeks, then his neck, before coming to rest on his chest. The room went quiet, filled only with the sound of slowing breath. As they came down from the high of the intimacy, Squall studied his face like he was trying to read his mind. Zell could tell there was something he wanted to say.</p><p>But he didn’t.</p><p>“Right. So,” Zell said instead, clearing his throat. “I.... think you’ve got the basics down.” He climbed out of Squall’s lap and shifted to sit next to him. The place where their thighs still touched buzzed like an aftershock. </p><p>“Yeah.” Squall stood and flexed his fingers.</p><p>This moment had none of the warm dreaminess of before, when reality didn’t exist outside of the bedroom door. Now, as he watched Squall slip his boots back on, Zell felt kind of cold.</p><p>Squall patted his pockets awkwardly. “Well. I’ll, ah. Let you know how it goes.”</p><p>“Hey, wait.” Zell rummaged through his desk drawer until he found his spare keycard. He passed it over to Squall. “Here. In case you need somewhere to hide when I’m not around.”</p><p>Squall smiled and his fingers lingered when he took it. </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>When he was gone, Zell didn’t know what to do with himself. 

He sat on the bed, then moved to his chair, then paced for a while, then laid down on the floor just for the difference in perspective. None of it helped. His whole world view had suddenly tilted out of focus and he had no idea what to do about it.</p><p>Because now he had some big inconvenient Feelings to deal with.</p><p>Zell sighed at the ceiling.</p><p>Some distance would probably be for the best.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a couple of guys being bros. Let’s pretend I know anything about realistic travel times. </p><p>Coming soon in chapter 2.... Squall’s No Good Very Bad Date.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Writing Playlist: Even If It’s A Lie - Matt Maltese</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It hadn’t been hard asking Rinoa to spend time with him. Mostly because he didn’t actually have to ask; he didn’t have to go looking for her because she was already lingering outside the dorms when he left, leaning casually against the wall like she was just <i>hanging out</i> and not wasting time waiting for him. And he didn’t have to ask her to join him because the minute he walked by she fell in step behind him.</p><p>So. A pretty easy start to say the least. But Squall reminded himself that today was about making an effort. So instead of walking at his usual brisk pace, he slowed down to walk with her. And then came the mess of starting a successful conversation. </p><p>“Did you... sleep okay?” He tried, feeling for all the world like a recently thawed caveman making first contact with modern society. Rinoa had made it clear in the past that she didn’t care much for Squall’s work, so he didn’t want to talk about that and make her upset when he was trying to get to know her. Then again, he also had to wrack his brain for the last time he had a conversation that didn’t directly involve his job, so maybe her being upset was better than her thinking about what a bad conversationalist he was.</p><p>She seemed delighted by the effort, though. And immediately, she started talking. About the dream she had last night, about the breakfast she ate, about something cute Angelo did. He tried hard to be engaging, even when she started talking about people he’d never met, and eventually he realized all he really needed to do was ask her questions and she would take them and run. Which was honestly kind of nice. It took a lot of the pressure off his shoulders, even if he felt like he was being boring. </p><p>They walked around all morning without much rhyme or reason. He hadn’t really made any plans for the day because with Garden in transit, it wasn’t like he could hit the road and take her somewhere nice. But that didn’t seem to bother Rinoa. Her enthusiasm never wavered. She seemed genuinely thrilled just to spend the day together.</p><p>Around lunch time she dragged him to the library see if they could find a book she had been telling him about. The plot sounded a little confusing, but that might have been the way she jumped all over the timeline of it to give him context he didn’t really understand for the dramatic events that unfolded within the pages. Her taste seemed a lot different than anything he would ever actually read, but it couldn’t hurt to humor her. </p><p>The library always smelled a little bit like cinnamon. A soothing instrumental piece played from a small speaker on the wall. Younger students huddled near the front desk, waiting for a librarian to give them recommendations for upcoming class projects, and near the back a few clusters of upperclassmen were working quietly on research papers. Sometimes Squall missed the monotony of classwork. It was all so much simpler and more methodical than their missions ever seemed to be. If Squall had any advice to give, it would be that the plan was almost always chucked out the window and thinking on your feet was the most important skill in a SeeD’s arsenal. A few students eyed him warily, unsure about how to react to being in the presence of the new Commander. Squall tried to ignore the feeling of being watched.</p><p>“Is it always this cold in here?” Rinoa complained as she rubbed her shoulders with her hands. Squall stopped himself from pointing out that a sleeveless cardigan wasn’t the most practical choice. Instead, he shrugged his jacket off and stuffed it in her hands. </p><p>“Here.”</p><p>Her entire face <i>glowed</i>.</p><p>“Really?” She practically wiggled as she bundled herself up in it. The sleeves were too long and she hugged herself. “How do I look?”</p><p>“Don’t get anything on it.”</p><p>In the back corner of the room, a quick burst of raucous laughter drew the attention of a librarian, who shushed it with a loud and ferocious zeal. Squall glanced to see what the commotion was and felt his chest cramp.</p><p>Zell’s mouth was pressed into a thin tight line and his face was red with desperately suppressed laughter. He leaned one hip against the desk where Selphie sat with several sketchbooks sprawled out in front of her. A few tubes of rolled up paper perched precariously around the explosion of supplies across the tabletop and Zell had smeared ink along the side of his hand that tinged his skin blue all the way down his pinky. Probably collaborating on something for the Garden Festival. Giggling madly, Selphie swatted at Zell with a ruler.</p><p>“Oh!” Suddenly, Rinoa ducked between two bookcases and dragged Squall with her. His back hit the wall and she landed against his chest with a soft whoosh of breath.</p><p>“What?” Squall glanced around in alarm. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Um. Sorry.” She looked up at him through her lashes and blushed. “It’s kind of embarrassing?”</p><p>“What is?” </p><p>She leaned in, whispering conspiratorially. “So I went looking for Zell yesterday? And when I got to his dorm I heard some, um....<i>interesting sounds?</i> And now that I see him and Selphie.... do you think they’re <i>together?</i>”</p><p>Squall’s face felt hot.</p><p>He knew Selphie wasn’t at Zell’s because he’d been at Zell’s. Sitting on Zell’s bed. Pressed up against him as Zell squirmed in his lap. Zell, who ran hotter than a furnace and kissed him like he meant it. Who Squall had spent all night tossing and turning and stressing and <i>thinking about</i>, and had been trying <i>not</i>to think about all day. </p><p>“No, they’re not together.”</p><p>Rinoa frowned. “But how do you know?”</p><p>“Trust me.” Hyne, he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He stopped her hands as they creeped up toward his shoulders and gently removed them.</p><p>“Don’t you think they’d be a cute couple though?”</p><p>“.......”</p><p>“You won’t even play along?” Pouting, she stepped back to put some distance between them and scuffed the floor with her boot. “Fine. Let’s go do something else.”</p><p>Breathing a sigh of relief, Squall turned them toward the exit, hoping to get out of there before getting roped into talking to anyone. On the way out, he risked a glance over his shoulder.</p><p>Zell looked up just as he did. Eyes bright and blue, a sharp contrast to the black ink curving along his cheek. </p><p>He had a nice face.</p><p>Squall turned away. </p><p>Fresh air suddenly sounded like a fantastic idea. He steered Rinoa toward the quad, where they could sit in the sun and watch the Galbadian countryside sweep by beneath Garden’s spinning halo. </p><p>“Oh wow!” Rinoa skipped a few steps ahead of him toward the observation deck to take in the sights. Her hair whipped gracefully behind her and her eyes sparkled when she smiled. “It’s so pretty! Come look!”</p><p>Squall came to stand next to her and she looped her arm in his. “Have you seen a lot of Galbadia?”</p><p>“Not really. I grew up in Deling but my dad didn’t take us out much. Mom used to travel for her career though! She was a piano player and she got to tour the continent playing this really famous song she wrote before she settled down and got married.”</p><p>He smiled a little. “That sounds really nice.” </p><p>Rinoa wasn’t close to her father but the way she spoke of her mother seemed fond. It was good she had at least one positive relationship.</p><p>“The song is really sad but it always made me feel so warm. We have a recording of it back home and I listened to it all the time after she died. She wrote it about this war hero that she fell in love with, he’d come watch her play all the time and then one day he left and never came back.” She leaned against him and sighed dreamily. “I hope my life turns out as romantic as hers.”</p><p>Something clicked in Squall’s mind. He knew this story. He’d just heard it from the other side. “Wait a minute. Your mother was Julia?” </p><p>Too bad that romantic war hero wasn’t quite as heroic as the song made him seem.</p><p>Rinoa lit up. “You’ve heard of her?”</p><p>“I know her,” he said. When he thought about how that sounded for more than a second, he quickly backpedaled. “I mean - not <i>me</i>I don’t <i>know</i>her - “</p><p>“Obviously,” Rinoa squinted at him, “she died when I was five so I don’t know how - “</p><p>“No, I know, but...” Squall floundered. This sounded ridiculous. The whole situation with Laguna was complicated and confusing and explaining to her that he had seen the night her mother fell in love <i>in a dream</i> would surely be a nightmare. He barely understood it himself. “I, ah... kind of know someone who knew her. I think. That’s all.”</p><p>“Oh. Wow.“ She had a funny look on her face. “Pretty small world, huh?”</p><p>He nodded and turned his eyes back to the countryside. They were quiet for a while. </p><p>It didn’t take an expert to recognize this wasn’t going very well. </p><p>Everything had been so easy yesterday.</p><p>He was thinking of an escape plan when Rinoa started talking again. “So... what do you do for fun around here?”</p><p>There was determination on her face. Which he just <i>didn’t understand</i>. He wasn’t easy to talk to, he didn’t have a good sense of humor, he wasn’t particularly brave or interesting or relaxing to be around. Why hadn’t he scared her away yet? What about him made her want to keep trying? </p><p>It was sweeter than he felt like he deserved.</p><p>He shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Selphie and the Garden Committee plan a lot of events here. The Garden Festival is the one everyone likes best.”</p><p>“I asked what <i>you</i>do for fun, not what everyone else does.” Her tone turned teasing and she stuffed her hands in her pockets to imitate him. “I should have guessed you don’t <i>do</i> fun. You’re so serious.”</p><p>Squall frowned, and that made her laugh. He knew she was joking, but it still made him prickly. Jokes at his expense were never particularly funny. </p><p>“...Whatever.”</p><p>“Oh, come on! No grumping on your day off!” She looped her arm in his again. “We’re having fun today!”</p><p>Squall wasn’t having very much fun, but he kept that to himself. </p><p>Things seemed to get better from there, at least. She sent him to the 2F balcony to wait for her while she did some secret <i>something</i>. After about twenty minutes he started to wonder if she’d finally ditched him, but then she appeared with a basket of food and a blanket and a big smile on her face. He helped her lay the blanket out and she smacked at his hands when he tried to unpack the basket. So he watched on in amusement while she arranged her cafeteria haul to be perfectly picturesque. There were sandwiches and tiny cubes of cheese with crackers, strawberries in cups, and two slices of chocolate cake in plastic containers. All the fixings for a proper picnic. </p><p>When he sat down, she sidled up next to him until their sides were pressed together. The sun’s slow dip toward the horizon was turning everything golden. “You put this together fast,” he remarked, popping a cracker in his mouth.</p><p>“I am a girl of many talents,” she replied proudly. “Besides, this is a special day!”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“You’re being nice to me for once!” </p><p>Squall felt a spike of discomfort before he realized she was sticking her tongue out at him. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean.” He sighed, folding and unfolding a napkin. “All of this doesn’t come very naturally to me.”</p><p>Chewing her sandwich thoughtfully, Rinoa nodded. “I get it. I had a lot of practice talking to people growing up because I had to go to all these state functions with my dad. So I guess I got lucky there.”</p><p>He hummed in agreement because he wasn’t sure what to say. </p><p>He had too much on his mind. </p><p>They’d spent a lot of time together. Rinoa seemed content, if the way she was practically cuddling him while they ate was anything to judge by. And they were alone. In theory, this was a romantic situation.</p><p>Zell had said he would feel the moment when it came. </p><p>But if he was being honest, he hadn’t felt a single moment all day.</p><p>“Are you sad about it?” Rinoa asked out of nowhere. </p><p>Shit, he hadn’t been paying attention. “About....?”</p><p>“Not knowing your parents.”</p><p>It wasn’t cold, but Squall shivered. This wasn’t something he liked talking about. It wasn’t even something he liked thinking about. The only thing he had was the orphanage and a few vague memories of Sis. Everything else was Garden, SeeD, contracts and war. There were no family traditions, no photo books, no song to listen to on repeat to remember. </p><p>He was one of two that never got adopted. How do you explain that kind of total untethered loneliness to someone who had never known it?</p><p>He must have been quiet for too long because she tried again. “I know you said your memory was bad but... do you really not remember anything?”</p><p>Rain, he remembered. Standing on a stone porch in the sticky humid heat of a Centra summer night. The growling of thunder like a lion lashing out against an unseen enemy. He remembered staring out into the darkness and waiting for something that would never come.</p><p>Now, he also remembered children. A bossy little girl with braids arguing with the blonde bully a whole head taller than she was. Two giggling kids in green running up and down the beach together. And the blue-eyed boy with the brightest smile, who felt everything so deeply. Quick to laugh and quicker to cry. The one who didn’t pick on the boy on the porch in the rain when he cried too.</p><p>“No,” he said quietly. “I don’t remember much of anything.”</p><p>Her eyes were warm as she looked up at him, as deep and rich as soft and fertile earth. “I’m sorry. That must be hard.” One of her small hands covered his. “I hope you can find your family someday. And if not, I hope you can make one of your own.”</p><p>Timidly, Rinoa’s gaze fell to his mouth.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>This was the moment. </p><p>Squall took a breath and leaned forward. Slow and careful, like before. Rinoa blushed prettily and closed her eyes.</p><p>Their lips met. </p><p>And....nothing happened. </p><p>It wasn’t bad. Her mouth was soft and she gripped his shirt like Zell had. And if Squall wasn’t himself, he might have been able to turn his mind off and just enjoy the sensation of being close to a person who liked him. </p><p>But he was himself. </p><p>And something about it just didn’t <i>move</i> him. </p><p>His skin didn’t tingle. His heartbeat was steady. Time moved at the pace it usually did. This wasn’t the kiss from yesterday; it was just a press of mouths that felt a little static. </p><p>When he pulled away, she looked down and nodded. Disappointment radiated off her in waves and Squall felt shame coiling up in his gut like a snake ready to strike. She deserved better.<br/>
“I’m sorry.”</p><p>Carefully, Rinoa took his jacket off and gave it back to him. There was a sad sort of smile on her face. </p><p>“It’s okay. Thanks for hanging out with me today. I really did have fun.” She petted his hair for a moment and brushed it away from his forehead. Then, she dropped a quick peck on his temple. </p><p>After that, she left him on the balcony alone. </p><p>The sun was setting. </p><p>Squall sat outside for a while. Thinking about everything and nothing. He watched the sky bleed gold, then crimson, before settling into a lonely indigo night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, he tried. </p><p>How do we all feel about some soft evening tenderness? Asking for a friend. Our third and final chapter will be dropping soon! ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Writing playlist: Lover, Please Stay - Nothing But Thieves</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If there was one thing Zell was most thankful for today, it was that the training center didn’t have a curfew.</p><p>Covered in sweat, chest heaving, arms buzzing with the impact of every strike, he had been at it much longer than he should have been. The little voice in the back of his head telling him to slow down before he hurt something had gotten louder over the last couple fights, and he kept promising himself that one more would do it, but one more always became <i>one more</i> and it didn’t make him feel any better.</p><p>He was man enough to recognize he was completely avoiding his feelings and it was unhealthy. He was also teenager enough to admit he was totally fine with that and would continue doing it, thanks.</p><p>Zell sighed. This was a big old mess. </p><p>But thinking about his feelings meant facing the fact that he was mourning the loss of something that was never really his in the first place and something he hadn’t completely known he even <i>wanted</i> until yesterday.</p><p>Because it was Squall. Everyone was a little bit in love with him. It was just a law of the natural world, like gravity or the movement of the tides.</p><p>Or so Zell had convinced himself. Which, thinking back on it now, was probably just his way of pretending he wasn’t catching feelings for an unattainable stoic who was somehow worse at managing his feelings then Zell was. And after everything he went through with his messy crush on Seifer, that was something he told himself he would absolutely not do again.</p><p>Yet here he was, doing it again. </p><p>His dumb heart was reliable, at least. </p><p>He’d never be able to sleep with this much on his mind. So one more. And then one more.</p><p>Ducking under the swipe of angry claws, Zell threw a right hook and felt his shoulder tweak. With a curse, he finished the beast off with a hard kick and it fell dead. Heat pulsed uncomfortably down his arm and he dug through his pocket for a low dose potion to soothe the sharp pull.</p><p>The voice in his head was smug in its silence.</p><p>Frustrated, Zell downed the vial and the liquid was cold against his throat. Once it started working through his system, he swallowed his pride and called it quits. </p><p>The training room showers ran way hotter than the ones in the dorms and for that he was thankful too. He spent a while leaning his forehead against the tile while the water scorched the blood and sweat and aching away. And if he closed his eyes, he could almost stop thinking about Things with a capital T. </p><p>Things like how much he liked kissing Squall, or how seeing Rinoa wearing Squall’s jacket had made him feel. </p><p>Selphie had been thrilled seeing them together in the library. Rinoa, with a her pretty glow and the way she hung off everything Squall said like it was the most important thing in the world. And Squall, steering her out with a hand on the graceful curve of her back before he looked back at Zell like...</p><p>Like what? </p><p>He still hadn’t deciphered that particular moment. Had he been having a good day with Rinoa? Had he been feeling just as stressed about everything as Zell had? </p><p>Sighing, Zell reminded himself for the hundred-and-fifteeth time that it wasn’t his business and if Squall wanted to talk about it he would and Zell had no right to feel weird about any of it. If Squall was happy, Zell would be happy. Whatever he’d suddenly started feeling would calm down and things would be back to normal in no time.</p><p>Hopefully. Maybe. Eventually.</p><p>Either that or Zell would spend the rest of his life following Squall to hell and back and thinking about Squall’s mouth and being one breath away from spontaneous combustion at all times. Who could know.</p><p>The walk back to the dorms was lonely. Zell thought about nothing but Squall’s date. How it was going, where they went, if they were still together. By the time he got to his door, he was in an absolutely foul mood. He pressed his keycard to the sensor and the door slid open and he decided all he wanted to do was fall into bed and hope by the time he woke up they’d be in Centra and he’d have something to take his mind off it. </p><p>He toed off his shoes as his gym bag landed gracelessly in the desk chair, and he was about to strip his shirt off when he noticed a small plastic container of chocolate cake sitting near his sketchbook on the desk. </p><p>That gave him pause. There was no way he’d have forgotten cake. </p><p>So someone had been here. But Squall was the only one with a key. Had Squall brought him cake in the middle of his date? That made no sense. </p><p>Unless...?</p><p>Zell turned. </p><p>There was a sleeping body in his bed. A big ball of tension eased all at once in Zell’s chest. </p><p>Squall was asleep on top of the sheets, like he hadn’t meant to pass out. His jacket was bundled under his head and his boots were sitting neatly on the floor by the bedside. He looked peaceful when he slept; the slow rise and fall of his chest was unburdened by the weight of his usual worry. One of his arms hung off the side of the bed, and for once he looked as young as he actually was. </p><p>Zell kneeled on the floor beside him, trying not to make too much noise. Squall looked like he’d been there a while, comfortably boneless and sleeping deep. The pendant of his necklace had slipped out of his shirt to rest on the mattress, and carefully Zell picked it up and cradled it in his palm. The silver was polished and smooth, regularly cleaned and cared for. Squall didn’t talk about it much, but it was clear the symbol meant a lot to him. The necklace, his ring, his gunblade and it’s case. Squall covered himself in it. And Zell thought about it a lot, because Squall kept most things to himself, but he wore the lion like a badge of honor.</p><p>“It’s called Griever,” Squall said quietly. Zell glanced up to meet his weary gaze and found a softness in Squall’s eyes that didn’t usually have a home there. Like he wasn’t so guarded this late at night. </p><p>“Pretty heavy name,” Zell said, brushing a thumb across the lion’s roaring face. Squall was one of the most melancholy people Zell had ever met, so it wasn’t surprising it carried a sad story with it. Before he could stop himself, he asked, “What does it mean to you?”</p><p>Squall searched Zell’s face for a long moment, and the scrutiny made Zell nervous. Then, Squall rolled onto his back and sighed at the ceiling. He patted the spot next to him. After a moment of hesitation, Zell crawled into bed and laid down. Their shoulders pressed together, warm and solid. Squall toyed with the pendant.</p><p>“I used to have this recurring dream about running away. I was in a dark tunnel, and a woman was calling my name. I was always looking for something, but I’d never find it. So I’d turn around and go back the way I came... and there’d be someone standing there staring at me. A man with a lion’s head. Silver mane, golden eyes. A cross on his chest. And he was so... fearless. There was so much darkness around him, but he was proud, and strong. And that was everything I wanted to be.”</p><p>Silvery stripes of moonlight came in through the blinds to paint Squall’s lily throat with light. Zell’s fingers itched to touch.</p><p>“So it’s like a reminder?”</p><p>“Yeah. Kind of. It makes me feel brave.” A muscle in Squall’s jaw twitched. He turned to meet Zell’s eyes and he looked almost embarrassed. “I.... haven’t told anyone that before.”</p><p>He was so close that Zell could feel the warmth of his breath.</p><p>“Thanks for trusting me with it.”</p><p>Squall tucked the pendant safely in his shirt. The backs of their hands brushed when he relaxed again. </p><p>For awhile, Zell said nothing. He was afraid to ask. Afraid of ending this moment and being alone again. Of the distance that would grow between them as tall and thick as summer weeds, until he couldn’t see Squall’s soft and tender edges anymore, because they were locked behind a garden wall belonging to someone else. </p><p>It didn’t matter if he already belonged to Rinoa. That reality didn’t exist until they spoke it into existence. For now, Zell could keep pretending. </p><p>But suddenly, looking at him was too much. Zell sat up and pulled his knees up to his chest, heart beating hard. </p><p>“Are you okay?” The bed creaked as Squall sat up behind him. </p><p>Zell nodded, not trusting himself to answer that particular question with any kind of truth. But the motion made his sore shoulder ache sharply. He hissed out a breath.</p><p>“<i>Zell</i>.”</p><p>“It’s fine. Just went a little overboard in training, s’all.”</p><p>There was a thoughtful silence. Then, Squall’s hands found Zell’s shoulders. Careful at first, letting their weight settle gently like he was trying not to startle him. After he was sure Zell wouldn’t push him away, he flexed his fingers before gripping there with a firm pressure. He squeezed, drawing the muscle upwards before releasing it and starting again. Kneading in a slow and steady rhythm. </p><p>It felt <i>incredible</i>. Zell let his head fall forward and relaxed into the touch, relishing in the feeling of being spoiled like this. After a few minutes, he was putty in Squall’s strong hands. And if he kept his eyes closed, Zell reasoned, he could pretend he was allowed to have this.</p><p>Squall moved on from Zell’s shoulders and let his fingers drag down Zell’s arms, stroking the skin there in a way that was more sensual than practical. A shiver wracked up Zell’s spine as Squall leaned forward to press his chest into Zell’s back, a wall of solid warmth behind him. He could feel Squall’s nose brush against his neck. </p><p>This wasn’t like the night before. There’d been a purpose to that, no matter how flimsy that purpose had felt while he was grinding himself into Squall’s lap. Now, Squall seemed to be exploring on his own. Unprompted and unexplained. Less like practice and more like enjoyment.</p><p>“Squall,” Zell said, voice sounding more like a beg than he meant it to. He felt like he was falling into a delirium. All he’d been able to think about all day was exactly this, and it still wasn’t enough. He needed to <i>know.</i> “Why are you here?”</p><p>Squall’s touch paused against his ribcage. There was a hint of humor in his voice. “You gave me a key.”</p><p>“I know. <i>I know.</i> But...” Zell leaned more of his weight back against the comforting body behind him. Squall took that as the consent that it was. His arms wrapped around Zell’s waist, fingers resting low on Zell’s stomach. “Who are you hiding from?”</p><p>“I’m not hiding.” Hot breath splashed against the curve of his neck as Squall exhaled something like a laugh. “I just wanted to come hang with my best friend in the whole wide world.”</p><p>Zell felt like a faulty computer. </p><p>“Don’t be a jackass.”</p><p>“You want the truth?” Squall’s lips were moving right against the shell of Zell’s ear. “I did everything right, and it still wasn’t <i>right</i>. And I think it wasn’t right because it wasn’t <i>you</i>.”</p><p>“Don’t say that,” Zell complained. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” </p><p>His head was spinning. There was no way in hell Squall had spent the whole day thinking about Zell as much as Zell had been thinking about him. Rinoa was pretty. She was pretty and fun and soft and she didn’t kill people for a living, and Squall deserved that. He deserved a soft life. Why didn’t he want it? </p><p>“Stop telling me what I mean,” Squall countered.</p><p>Zell turned in his arms to glare at him. But Squall was making that face again. The one he’d made in the library that sent Zell’s stomach twisting. </p><p>“Why?” Zell asked dumbly. </p><p>Squall frowned, and there was an edge of self-consciousness in it. He cupped Zell’s face in his hands. </p><p>“Something happened when you kissed me yesterday and for the first time in a long time I didn’t feel like I was faking it.”</p><p>Zell blinked. His mind went quiet. He pressed a hand against Squall’s chest. Gripped a fistful of his shirt. And then he crashed their lips together.</p><p>Somehow spending the entire day thinking about it didn’t prepare him for how <i>good</i> it was. Without the pretense of practicing for someone else, Zell fell into it with the full force of his enthusiasm. And it was like they’d picked up right where they left off before. His fingers got under the hem of Squall’s shirt and pulled upward greedily because now that he was allowed to openly ogle Squall’s good looks he was absolutely going to. </p><p>Smooth planes of carved muscle lined his stomach and twitched under Zell’s adoring touch. He pressed Squall back against the mattress and brought his mouth down onto one of his nipples, lavishing it with his tongue. Squall arched off the bed and his hands slid into Zell’s hair as he gasped. For the sake of science, Zell made a point to use more teeth when he moved to give the other side some attention, just to see if Squall got louder.</p><p>He did. Zell felt his pulse beating all the way down to his ankles.</p><p>He kissed his way back to Squall’s waiting lips and wasted no time throwing a leg over him and settling across Squall’s hips. As he worked his tongue into Squall’s mouth, he slotted himself against the hardness in Squall’s pants and <i>moved</i>. Every roll of his body pulled a groan from Squall’s throat and Zell couldn’t get enough. Being with Squall felt electric. </p><p>Squall gripped his arms tight. Then, he flipped them over, trapping Zell beneath him. He planted his hands on either side of Zell’s face and thrust down with a wonderful glide of his hips. Through the soft fabric of Zell’s workout shorts, the friction felt incredible. His fingers scratched at Squall’s back for something to hold on to as he bit down on Squall’s lip. Squall thrust again, finding just the right place for a steady rhythm. </p><p>This was <i>absolutely</i> the best time Zell had ever had with his clothes on. Hell, it was maybe the best time he’d ever had, period. </p><p>He felt his stomach tightening and his face felt hot. It would also be the shortest time he’d ever had. His goddamn lizard brain was overloaded with need and he felt like he was going to split apart at the seams.</p><p>“Squall,” he breathed. “I’m kinda -  “</p><p>“I know,” Squall said against the side of his mouth. “Can... I mean, do you...?”</p><p>“<i>Don’t stop</i>,” Zell panted. He held Squall tighter against him and let their lips press together messily. The tension that had been ratcheting up inside him all day was like a powder keg ready to explode into a glorious burst of flashing light.</p><p>Squall went first. The way he shivered and slowed and relished the feeling of release made Zell’s hands shake. Zell’s name tumbled out into the space between them on the tide of Squall’s moan and that sent him spinning down into the abyss. Zell squirmed as he came, hot and wet inside his underwear, and he didn’t have the shame to be embarrassed about it with the way Squall was <i>looking</i> at him. All hungry tenderness and soft disbelief.</p><p>If someone had told him two days ago that his casual makeout practice idea would turn into a full fledged over-the-clothes orgasm with the Commander of Balamb Garden, he would have laughed until he was blue in the face. </p><p>And yet, here he was.</p><p>As his heart rate slowed down to something less deadly, Squall laid kisses all over his face. On his nose, his cheeks, his eyelids. Until it was so achingly sweet it got annoying and Zell swatted him away with a laugh.</p><p>“I literally just took a shower and now I’m disgusting again,” Zell complained, sitting up and throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. Squall leaned against him like a tired koala. </p><p>“Sorry,” Squall said. He didn’t sound sorry at all.</p><p>Zell couldn’t blame him. He didn’t have the energy to wonder what this would do to them come tomorrow. So he decided that was a problem for Tomorrow Zell. Instead, he grabbed Squall’s hand and hauled him to his feet. “Alright. Come on then.”</p><p>“Where are we going?” </p><p>“<i>I’m</i> going to take a shower and <i>you’re</i> going to get a change of clothes, and then you’re going to come right back here and stay with me tonight and I’ll teach you the wonderful art of spooning.”</p><p>In the doorway, Squall smirked and crossed his arms. There was a devastating flush to his cheeks. “Bossy.”</p><p>Zell kissed him hard.</p><p>“Damn right. Tick tock.”</p><p>He closed the door before Squall could say anything else and he heard an exasperatedly fond sigh from the other side. For a moment he leaned against the cool metal and let the night settle into his bones.</p><p>Whatever happened tomorrow, whatever Squall would feel when the morning came and reality found them again, it didn’t change how he’d felt tonight. </p><p>And that was something worth holding on to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Squall: I’m into you.<br/>Zell: 404 file not found </p><p>I didn’t mean for this chapter to go smut but when in Rome. I maybe sense a sequel coming someday. </p><p>Thanks for reading! As always, I appreciate your love and support. &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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